Where would we be?
by Deathnibbler
Summary: Set to the song by 'Good charlotte', 'Where would we be' Faith thoughts are full of Buffy, and she can't work out if Buffy knows, or maybe even feels the same. My own set of events after Season 7...
1. Chapter 1

Song-fic: **Where would we be?**

**Author: **Deathnibbler

**Disclaimer:** I don't own BtVS or anything to do with it, I am not profiting from this story either.

**Summary:** Set to the song by 'Good charlotte', Where would we be? Faith is in-love with Buffy, and she can't work out if Buffy knows, or maybe even feels the same. (Italics being song-words.)

_I smile, you laugh_

_I look away,_

_I sigh you ask me why I say, "It's OK" and "I'm just feeling down"_

I wonder how you feel now.

It's been 3 weeks since you... Well, we changed the world. There is no longer 'The chosen two', more like the chosen two-thousand... I wonder how many of them are out there. I wonder when we're... No, I should let you rest. Finally you're the closest you can be to being 'normal' and living a 'normal' lifestyle I think the god knows how many days can be spent... Resting. Relaxing.

I sip my coffee and look around the cafe. I keep expecting one of the waitresses to break something with her unknown and newfound strength, I guess I expect there to be a slayer everywhere we turn.

I guess what I'm really doing is distracting myself. Looking everywhere but at you. I don't want to give anything away. I don't want to say goodbye, I don't want this to be our last coffee together. I'm too used to all this time we're spending together. I'm getting to used to letting my guard down... Sometimes.

I wonder how you feel now. I wonder if I've given anything away, if you can see how I feel when our eyes meet, a rare occasion that that is.

Finally I stop trying to distract myself and I look at you. Luckily for me, you're looking around the room as I was. I wonder if you're thinking the same thing I was? Looking for not-so-potentials in this cafe filled with a lot of girls, and guys of-course... My gaze at your face lingers as I've got something to think about, maybe my possible look of longing won't be so obvious?

I wonder as you turn and catch my gaze. You must've felt my eyes on you.

Unsure of the look on my face, to make this moment as casual as possible and as much as it isn't on my end, I smile at you. I don't know why but as soon as I do, you laugh. Do you have any idea what I am thinking?

I look away, embarrassed and I sigh.

Damn you Buffy.

You get me thinking about too much. You have me feeling too much. All I do is brood and think think think. I guess it's all this free time. I thought maybe going out at night, slaying some vamps and blowing off steam at clubs afterwards would at-least help to taking my mind off of you.

Nope.

No matter where I go, no matter what I do, my thoughts are only of you.

Hmm, if I really cared I could be a poet.

_Your hand on mine, I hear the words... If only love had found us first,_

_our lives they would be different_

_So I stand, and wait._


	2. Chapter 2

Back in the day I used to be ashamed of how I felt. I felt stupid, for having such feelings for a friend, a girl, and well, I knew I never had a chance with you. You had dead-boy. Shame I didn't have a thing for Red though, I'm sure _she_ wouldn't turn me down, well maybe, she had Wolf-boy... Anyway,

I was sure you'd never feel the same way about a girl, let alone _me_.

_Where would we be now baby?_

_If we found each other first_

_What would you do now darling?_

_If I said these simple words;_

_I'll wait, I'll wait... As long as you want_

_Where would we be now baby?_

Damn it. I'm thinking again. Look what you do to me. How do you do it? How does one fall for the Buffy charm?

I feel yours eyes on me again and I must be making a face this time. I turn back to you and say "Yeah, B?"

You laugh again and say "For someone who took part in saving the world, is finally free and has all the free-time a Slayer could want, you sure seem to have a lot on your mind." I frowned, and she says "Sorry".

I decided I wanted to let on a little for once. Get a reaction. Something. I couldn't keep this secret to myself forever. It makes me sick.

"It's ok, I'm just feeling... down."

Buffy's eyes widened and she looked worriedly at me. For some reason I'm proud of this fact. She's focused on me. In some small way, right this second, she's thinking about me, and wondering what's on my mind,

_She is_ for once.

She gently puts her hand on mine and looks me in the eye, I hate it when she does that and says, "you can talk about it if you want. You know you can trust me now"... She hesitates when the next line comes, "I... I trust _you_ now. We can trust each other."

A part of me wanted to jerk my hand away. Frown at her and say something like "I'm five-by-five, I'm fine there's nothing wrong" but I just can't. Instead I say,

"Nothing that a few drinks and dancing at 'The silver' can't fix. Want to help cheer me up?" I smile this time.

I'm well aware that her hand is still on mine.

She nods. "Sure." I was kinda getting sick of coffee. Let's head on over to The Silver!

She grabs my hand and pulls me out of my seat and out of the Cafe. Damn, she let go when we were outside again.

I need the alcohol, so I can tell the truth. You think I'm a coward? I know it, you don't have to think it. This is going to be hard, but hey maybe she'll be drunk too so she can forget it the next day.

_And now I must confess,_

_That I'm a sinking ship_

_And I'm anchored by,_

_the weight of my heart_

_'Cause it's filled with these feelings... _


	3. Chapter 3

I'm on my third shot of tequila, you're on your second. I wonder if this is how the night is going to be. You holding back, and well, me not. I'm ok with it, I guess. It's what I need to get out what's coming tonight. Poor Buffy. I bet the other Scoobies can see right through me. I think Kennedy can. No, I'll re-word that, Kennedy can.

(FLASH-BACK, to the bus, right after the defeat and leaving Sunnydale.)

I sat right at the back. I liked that I could see everyone on the bus, I was at the back and no one took notice of me. I could take notice of whoever I liked!

Buffy sat at the front of the bus, talking with Wood. The son of a Slayer I slept with the other night. It was alright, I guess. I guess I would've rathered the owner of the bed, but hey we could've died in the next few days so live in the moment right? Plus blondie was all into the other blondie.

Speaking of, I looked at her, I could watch her from here, she was lost in her own thoughts. Thoughts of him I'm sure.

I wanted her out of there before anything could be said between them. I knew what was going to happen to him, I knew his fate. It seemed she did too, she wouldn't listen to me beckoning her to follow me out of that darned high-school.

I seemed to have forgotten Willow's woman sitting in the seat in-front of me. She turned around and grinned at my staring at Buffy.

"You're into her aren't you?" She asks me grinning.

I snap out of my thoughts and turn to look at the new brunette Slayer. It takes me a second to realize what she meant, and I shook my head. "No. Just..."

Kennedy holds up her hand to stop me talking any further, and chuckles at apparently feeble attempt to hide what I was thinking or rather, admiring?

"I know why you haven't told her yet."

I raise an eye-brow at her. "'Cause we haven't had time?" I grin.

She laughs. "Ah ha, no girl. I know. She's been into that Vampire the whole time I've known her, god knows what other guys since you've known her... Get my theme?"

"Yeah I see what you're playing at. You're all 'Faith hasn't made a move 'cause the girl in question is straight', well you're wrong. I'm straight too!"

Kennedy raises her eyebrows at me and nods. "Denial. Ok, well take my word for it, you never know what can happen. You were the chosen two, I don't think she's angry with you anymore, we have no idea what's ahead of us so... you never know."

She winks and I have to laugh. I like this girl's confidence. Her and Red make a cute couple.

(End of FLASH-BACK.)

Watching you bop your head to the music, tap your feet against the stool and eye the dancers on the dance-floor, I back down another shot of tequila, and tap you on the shoulder. "Wanna dance blondie?" I ask you grinning. You nod back and I grab your hand this time and drag you to the dance-floor. I silently hope that you don't dance off with someone else. I want to work some body-language here.

The music is fast and the bass is deep, and can hear it thump in my chest and it feels good. I lift up my arms and my whole body just moves with the music. I open my eyes and look at you, you look so good. Your hair covers your face and while not stopping your rhythm and movement, you move the hair out of your face. I move a little closer to you. My heart starts to beat faster.

You smile with one corner of your mouth and I grin to myself as you turn around, and dance against me. This is great, The alcohol creating atmosphere and giving me a little more confidence than I'd usually have in this type of situation, I move my arms out and around you, like I'm creating a space that's _our_ space, for you to dance in. Is it my imagination or did you move closer to me?

_But I'll keep my true thoughts locked,_

_inside my heart's black box_

_and it won't be found, it won't survive_

_through the smoke or the wreckage..._


	4. Chapter 4

The song finishes a little bit too soon for my liking, and you turn around and grin at me. Your smile is so genuine and I love it. You're all sweaty too, must be the alcohol, plus the heat.

You also look a little embarrassed, so I try and break the ice a little, make you feel good at least.

"Damn B, you really got some moves. Murder in the grave-yard and the dance-floor huh?"

You look at me in the eye... again. _Damn_ I hate that, B. Why does it feel like you look right through me?

The next song that plays is slow, I don't want to put either of us in a weird position so I grab your arm and pull you to the bar. Kinda feels like we can't move on our own tonight huh?

We sit on stools beside each other and I order two shots of Vodka. You shake your head no and look at me disapprovingly. I decide to 'be myself' for another second.

"Oh you don't want it? I'll take it then." So I down the two shots and wipe my mouth. I'm fine. Apparently you don't think so.

"Haven't you had enough to drink Faith?"

I slam the shot-glass on the bar and laugh.

"I saved the world. I'm a Slayer. I can do what I want. I can drink as much as I want. Jeez B you can't approve of anything I do can you?" I hear the slur in my voice and think for a second, and yes only a second, that maybe blondie's right. I've had a bit too much to drink tonight.

You fold your arms but you don't seem to angry, even though I just drunkenly snapped at you, raised my voice...

"Come on, F. Let's get back to the hotel. I'll make you some coffee, and tuck you into your nice warm bed."

I giggle and get off of my stool, I lose a little balance so I grab your shoulder to stay up. I lean right up to your face but your facial expression doesn't change. This is my moment. To tell you what's going, what's been going on, finally... I say,

"You promise?"

So we're heading out of the club and my arm is around you and yours is around my waist, you're helping me walk back because I'm so drunk. Suddenly you throw me against the nearest wall which happens to be brick, ouch, and I slide down to the ground.

A Vamp, apparently.

I open my eyes and watch you take on the two Vamps. And then there's a Demon. I don't know what kind it is, I'm too drunk I just know it's a demon.

You dust one vamp and take on the last two.

"Heeeey girly I'mma slaYER too ya know lemme help ya!"

I manage to stand up properly...ish and stagger over to the fight. I raise my fist at the demon and then... BANG, it all goes black.

I wake up to you holding a glass of juice in my face. "Morning sunshine". I sit up and wince.

Ouch, my head feels like it's been run over by a truck.

"Wow I really did drink too mu-"

"No" you interrupt "well, yeah but, it was a demon that knocked you out, not alcohol."

I sip my juice and then it all comes back to me.

"Oh yeah. Guess alcohol really does affect one's judgement huh?"

You nod and smile. "It's OK, you were just trying to help."

I place the glass of juice next to me on the dresser and lay back down. It was then I also remembered something else I tried to do last night.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you just... lay with me for awhile? You must be tired too..."

I look at the time and pray to a non-existant god that it's early.

Yes! It's 8:39am.

"You know that my room is the quietest in the hotel. Everyone will be up soon, I feel so sick and-"

"It's OK" you say. "I'll lie with you."

So I pull aside the covers but I don't move much, I want you to be close.

Maybe I'm not a coward?

I turn my back to you when we're both laying down and fall asleep facing the other way. I don't fall asleep... I wonder if you do.

_So I crash, _

_and burn..._

_I got a lot of things to learn..._


	5. Chapter 5

I wake up on my side, you're on your back. Your hand is on my hip, but I don't think you meant it to be so.

I turn and look at the clock, it's 2:19pm... _SHIT_!

I shake you awake. "Buffy your flight leaves in 2 and a half hours!"

You wake up with bed hair and yawn, "You called me Buffy..."

"Yeah well that is your _name_ B." I snap back. I didn't mean to.

I had forgotten you were leaving today. I had forgotten that the last 24 hours could be the last I would ever see you. I forgot that I might not ever get a chance to tell you how I feel again!

I get out of the bed and head into the bathroom. "I'm going to wash up." You yawn again, cutely I might add, and nod.

The hot water runs over me, I'm starting to feel better already despite last night's events, and the fact that I hadn't had anything to eat for hours.

I'm confused. I don't know what to do. I don't want you to go but I don't want to tell you why I want you to stay. How do I tell a straight girl who I've betrayed in the past, who's trust I've had to regain, who's friendship could be ruined with... That I'm so in-love with her?

Good ol' tough Faith, ex-bad-girl murdered almost fresh out of jail... Is in-love with Buffy Summers. The girl who changed the world.

The girl who changed my world.

I turn the taps off and dry myself off.

_You said you trust me now. I owe you the truth..._

I'm out of the shower and dressed, you're dressed too. "You're gonna visit us right?"

I nod. "Yeah sure."

"You're gonna call, if you need help with anything."

"Yeah no problem B."

"You're gonna miss m- us aren't you Faith?"

I turn and look at you, This time, I look you in the eyes. I look right through you, well at least I try to. I hold our gaze and I say,

"Yeah, yes I will."

You walk over to me and stand in-front of me for a moment. I can hear your breathing and I take in your scent. Like Vanilla.

You hug me.

It feels great, you're so warm... But yet for a few too many seconds I just stand there all stiff while you hug me. If only you knew what this moment really meant to me. If only I really knew what this moment meant to you. I lift up my arms and wrap them around you, and hug you back. Tight.

This is it.

I pull back a bit and swallow. I look down at your lips and I have to marvel at the fact that you're not doing anything about the obvious situation I've now put us in.

I lean in towards you and place my lips against you. I keep them there and to my surprise it's you that opens yours a little. Just a little, I really notice.

I open my mouth now, only slightly just like you. Small kisses, our mouthes matching each other's rythym and lightly sucking on each other's bottom lip.

I can feel my breathing getting heavier and the kisses grow quicker, with more urgency.

It's you that pulls away, and as you do you touch your lips with your fingers, you're not frowning or looking as though what just happened was wrong so, I'm not too worried.

I gesture towards the door. "Come on" I say, as much as it hurts... "Time to get everyone else ready."

I see off you, Dawn and Xander at the air-port, and I'm surprised none of the others are here also but I figure you've either said your goodbyes to them already, or you've made your own arrangements. The three of you are all teary and emotional like so I decide be cool let yous do your thing, with my arms folded of course. I can't help but smile though.

Of course there's the, "we'll call you when we get there" and "we'll miss you."

You nod your head at Xander and he puts his arm around Dawn and walks her onto the plane. It's just us two now.

_Where would we be now baby? _

_If we found each other first..._

I hate regrets. I wish I could say I live without regrets. I wish that I didn't spend days thinking about you, wondering how you are, and what you're doing. Whether you're happy, whether you've found someone...

I hate replaying the times we've had in my head, as if I had done everything differently. As if I told you how I really felt back when I should've, as if what it could've been if I didn't make so many mistakes, and let you in like I wanted to so bad inside, let you in as a friend and tried back then for something more... I'll never know if I did have a chance...

I'll never know what you would've said if I asked you to stay that day at the air-port, instead of just saying goodbye.

_What would you do now darling?_

_If I said these simple words..._

_I'll wait..._

_As long as you want..._

_Where would we be now baby?_

**END**

**Author's notes: **WOW Yay! My first Fuffy fic! I'm not yet sure whether I'm proud of it lol. I sorta had the idea with the song about them too, and came up with everything I wrote as I went along. Hopefully not bad for my first Buffy fanfiction! I plan to write plenty more... Review if you will, but PLEASE if there is ANY criticism, make it constructive:)

I apologize for the short chapters, it's just the way it turned out, and I apologize for any grammatical errors, or spelling errors, all that jizz... I am not a professional writer or editor! ;)

Hope you enjoyed:)


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